How You Behave When You're In Bed With Someone

When you’re in bed with someone, it feels like you’re trying on different parts of yourself. Even if you’ve been having sex for a long time, there is still something about every experience that feels like The First Time. You slip into a different mode, a different kind of being. Sometimes it feels like the most natural thing on the planet and sometimes it feels completely wrong. You’ll never know until you’re in bed with someone. Then you either try to get out as fast as you can or stay forever.

When you’re in bed with someone, it feels like you’re on an airplane or underground in a subway or taking a really long shower and letting your fingers start to prune. You’re cut off from technology — the supposed heartbeat of your young modern life and you don’t want to ever go back to reality. Want an excuse for not texting someone back or checking your email? Just tell them you were in bed with someone. Everyone will immediately understand and be like, “Oh, okay. Got ya. Go do you!” Sex is an excellent way to go off the grid. Who’s going to challenge you besides an evil celibate monster?

When you’re in bed with someone, the best part is usually the morning after post-coital talk. Now that the cum has been drained from your respective bodies, you can actually be normal and, you know… hang out. These talks are always amazing. Words are uttered with this hushed playfulness that you could only conjure with someone you just hooked up with. Your bodies are naked and desexualized, although that could change with a single touch. Your guard is completely let down. You can talk about whatever you want and it won’t be met with any judgement. I swear, there is no other interaction quite like this one. The kind of conversations you have in bed with someone cannot be recreated when you’re fully-clothed and hanging out at a sushi restaurant, which is what makes them so special.

When you’re in bed with someone, you feel like your life is real and things are happening. I know that sounds ridiculous but look, we spend so much of our time these days behind a computer screen that we often confuse it with a human connection. If we don’t get hugged today, that’s okay because someone liked our Facebook status and that’s practically the same thing, right? Uh, no. Nothing confirms this more than when you’re in bed with someone. A Facebook “like” ain’t got sh-t on a backrub or two people spooning at 5 a.m.

When you’re in bed with someone, you don’t necessarily have to love them in order to achieve intimacy. In fact, it’s amazing how tender you can be with someone without having strong feelings attached. It’s surprising how delicate and sweet you actually can be. Inherently, I would like to believe that we’re all loving and nothing lends more credence to this belief than how you behave in bed.

When you’re in bed with someone, you don’t want to open the blinds and get dressed and leave the room where everything started. When you both leave that bed, it undoes the spell. You immediately snap back to reality and walk with a sense of purpose and flinch when someone tries to touch you. We never try to take the things we learn in bed and apply them to our dealings in real life. They’re kept underneath the covers, ready for us when we return. I guess that’s what makes it so unique and ultimately beautiful. 

-Ryan O'connell