self centered

Strong tittle, well at least for me. I considered myself as a self centered person before. Kinda erased it little by little. People said, to be more open will be good for mental health. It does. 

I tried to put people first after me. But not sure if they knew about that, or they knew but pretend not to to know a thing. No matter how I convince myself to not to worry about that, at some point I want a feed back. I do want people to put me first before themself. Isn't it nice to be reminded by someone.

My mom told me once to expect the unexpected. She was trying to say 'others can't help you much but yourself'.

I think am a bit exhausted to give the best out of me for people. Wanna tell them how much, sometime, they fail me, but that is kinda rude. I just kept it inside without realising its destructive power. I am weak.

Now, I choose to be more self centered. I dont care about others, because I need to take care of my own feeling. I have my own plans, dreams that I believe can make myself a better one. I surely cant rely on someone for sometime.

I can't stand people pointing at and telling me that am not paying attention, while they are not listening to me at all.

I can't accept waiting from time to time for someone, but then they change their plan and am not becoming part of it.

I just can't bare when people put aside my feelings while I am still taking care of their felling.

No matter how much I love them, I love me most. That is the best thing I can do right now. I don't want to let myself down because of others, it is my own life. Let me take responsible of my own feelings.

"Although people might fail you over and over and over again, just make sure that you don't fail yourself. "

- Diana Rikasari -